the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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