id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
