haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
