Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
