Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
