My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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