Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
