I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
