i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
where does the pee come out of this thing
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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