That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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