Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
