I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Four minutes until I can fart!
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
