if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
