I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
