yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
