ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
