Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
