was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
