3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
