I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
