How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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