her vagine was all disorganized.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
