Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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