I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
