i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
