His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
