My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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