allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
