we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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