I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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