dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
