Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
