I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Someone signed my nipple.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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