Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
