My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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