i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
