help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
