First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Blood and glitter go together right?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
