And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
