She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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