i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
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