I cut my penus on the lid.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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