Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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