My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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