haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
