Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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