I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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