Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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