Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
