I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
