I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
