i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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