Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
