I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
And then he peed in my hair
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
