i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
