why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
