My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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