Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
